What's Left of Me
by Psychotic.Scam.Loves.Slash
Summary: Horatio looks back. Sorry, the story might seem kinda corney. I was in a dull mood.


**Title: **What's left of Me

**Author:** PsychoticScam

**Rating: **FRT

**Disclaimer: **I don't own, I rent. The Producers and Creators own them, and I'm just borrowing them for our own deviant pleasure, and promise to return them to their homes safe and sound.

**Cast: **Horatio, mentions of Speed

**Special Warnings: **This has implied slash in it. Don't like, don't read.

**TimeLine:** Right after _Lost Son_

**Summary:** Horatio looks back.

**Beta: **None, open though.

**Author's Note: **This hit me when I was watching the Nick Lachey _'What's Left of Me' _MusicVideo and couldn't help it.

**Archive: **Wing me down and tell me where.

**100 Song Challenge: **Random Pairings

**Prompt #98 - **WC - What's left of Me

**Word Count:**

_Watch my life pass me by_

_In the rear view mirror_

_Pictures frozen in time _

_Are becoming clearer_

_I don't want to waste another day stuck in the shadow of my mistakes_

Horatio Caine stood tall, though inside he was broken in one thousand pieces. It's been a year now, since Speed died. He'd wake up every morning, cold and alone, and on it's own accord, his arm would reach out beside him, only to fall against the sheeted matress.

It was habit.

When he did manage to drag himself from the bed, he'd end up with two cups of coffee, only to remember it was only him now.

When he was on his way to the Lab, he'd find himself looking into the mirror of the exterior of his vehicle, as if expecting to see that yellow Bike he'd see every morning, only to remember that it was still wrapped in the garage.

When he was sitting at his desk, he'd focus on that door, waiting for Speed to come through, but then he'd remember, he's only got his picture left.

He couldn't escape him. He was stuck.

_'Cause I want you_

_And I feel you_

_Crawlin' underneath my skin_

_Like a hunger_

_Like a burning_

_To find a place I've never been_

_Now I'm broken,_

_And I'm faded, _

_I'm half the man I'd thought I would be:_

_But you can have what's left of me._

He had always felt a longing towards Speed, a loving one, a wanting one.

He had always loved the feel of him, underneath him while he was inside him.

Like he was some sort of addictive drug, impossible to forgot or leave him.

He craved Speed, his taste.

He craved Speed, his touch.

He'd go to the ends of the earth for him, if need be.

His heart was broken, shattered to microscopic shards.

His soul was fading, leaving him behind to follow Speed.

Horatio lost the other half of his life.

Horatio lost everything, and his shattered heart was what was left.

_I've been dying inside,_

_Little by little._

_No where to go,_

_But going out of my mind._

_In endless circles, _

_Running from myself until you gave me a reason for standing still._

Ever since the service, he'd been going to Speed's grave. And it felt like each time, he felt himself lose even more of himself, time by time.

When he'd get home, he'd always wish for that kiss he'd get once he entered the kitchen, sometimes he'd feel it, but knew it was just his mind.

It was Speed who had helped him, who had stopped him from running from himself, to stay where he was, despite the fact of his brother.

_'Cause I want you_

_And I feel you_

_Crawlin' underneath my skin_

_Like a hunger_

_Like a burning_

_To find a place I've never been_

_Now I'm broken,_

_And I'm faded, _

_I'm half the man I'd thought I would be:_

_But you can have what's left of me._

He remembers holding him. He remembers calling for back up, a strong urgancy in his tone.

He remembers blocking out everything but Speed. He remembers reassuring him, telling him to hold on.

How Speed convulsed then died.

How the light that once filled his lovers' eyes fade, then vanish.

How he forgot about telling Speed to clean his gun.

Now his heart burns every night as he tells himself not to scrub away at invisible blood.

Now he struggles with cooping from watching his lover fade in front of his eyes.

Now he wishes he had been the other half of the man he was.

_It's fallin' faster_

_Barely breathing,_

_Give me something to believe in_

_Tell me: It's not all in my head._

His dreams haunt him. He always falls.

His thoughts dwell on him. He barely breathes.

All he has is that picture. The one single picture of them together.

All he has to remind him that it's not all in his head. That Speed's truly gone.

_Take what's left _

_Of this man_

_Make me whole_

_Once again_

When he had first met Speed, it was like a dream. Meeting the man he knew he'd love til death. But not Speed's.

He had taken him away from thoughts that kept him from staying proper, and had been able to make him whole; complete. But he knew that was an impossible task to do again. He had lost his other half.

_'Cause I want you_

_And I feel you_

_Crawlin' underneath my skin_

_Like a hunger_

_Like a burning_

_To find a place I've never been_

_Now I'm broken,_

_And I'm faded, _

_I'm half the man I'd thought I would be:_

_But you can have what's left of me._

He missed the way their hands would roam and explore each other.

How the kissed, touched, smiled, laughed together.

When they kissed, touched, made love.

The way they drenched one another in the others love. It was almost an unbreakable bond. Almost.

_I've been dying inside, you see_

_I'm going out of my mind_

_I'm just running in circle all the time._

Even though he acts his strong self on the outside, he's dying. And always will be. Now that one Timothy Speedle is dead. It's haunted him for so long, and day by day, he feels like he's going to go insane. He's stuck in a loop that never stops circling. He's sitting now, watching the waves lap at the sand of the beach, and he wonders, if Speed would still take what was left.

_Will you take what's left _

_Will you take what's left_

_Will you take what's left of me_

_Just running in circles in my mind_

_Will you take what's left_

_Will you take what's left_

_Will you take what's left of me?_

_Take what's left of me?_

_-_ End


End file.
